Her letter to me BUT she never sent it

Some relationships are nothing but mistakes
After the end of a relationship, people say end it up on a good note and only keep the fond, cherishable memories with you.
They say you need to let go and move on,
They say you need to stop paying attention, even to your emotions?
Really?
You must be kidding me right?
In most of the circumstances, specially after you've had a long serious relationship, can you really end it up on a good note?
How can you even stay friends after that?
Coz every time you talk to that person, he'll always have the same spot in your heart. You will never learn to let go.
How can you suddenly be cool with him flirting around with other girls or paying more attention to them, while you sit in a corner and watch him?
To let go?
Definitely you must, when that guy doesn't deserve to be there.
You've put yourself through hell coz of him and face it, he didn't give a damn.
You cried every night coz of him,
Every song reminded you of him,
Every place you went to got a string of memories back to your mind,
You starved yourself till you fell sick,
What difference did it make to him?
He still continued with his habits and he still didn't give a damn.
I know I am strong emotionally now, but with every step closer to even the right guy in my life now,
Why does it scare me?
People look at me and call me lucky, but do they know the struggle I've been through or the nights I've cried and still wore my best smile the entire day?
Do they even have the slightest idea of what it's like to see the 'once upon a time' most important person of my life with another girl in front of me?
Believe me, it's never easy.
It's tougher than any breakup, or any family issue.
It leaves you with low self esteem, and it only makes you feel like you are not good enough.
I know I am done,
But at the back of my mind the thought that still bothers me is only 'what if history repeats?' and suddenly that ground underneath my feet will be snatched away?
I have let go of everything that I should have,
I don't have him on any of my lists,
I have a special guy in my life now, yet I can't help spill tears when I read an old page of my diary.
It puts me through all the misery and pain every time I recall it all over again.
I know that I don't have those same feelings anymore but it's all the part of regret that suffocates me.
I would have cherished every bit of 'Us' if I had a chance to,
But the reality is, it's the past I never want to ever walk back to.
You don't always treasure a relationship,
Coz some relationships teach us lessons the hard way, the lessons you were so much more better without.
Today, I feel lucky to have found the right person to pull me out from my depression and loneliness,
I feel lucky for having the strongest best friends who paid every bit of their attention to my anytime day or midnight breakdowns,
And I feel proud of my ownself coz I have fought to be the person I am today.
No longer do I end up crying in front of anyone, no matter how tough the situation gets I have learnt to keep my feelings under check.
I have gained back my attitude and my confidence,
And I feel like I rule again.
A bad relationship has taught me to value what I have even more,
Or infact to take care of my heart a little more.....